just in case

any of you were waiting on baited breath to find out whether or not I had completed the reflection paper on time, I did, during record night to be specific. Today I got up a little bit early to come over here to the mac lab to meet with Miriam about her senior recital posters. Which is at 6:30pm a week from this sunday in Reith, and in doing this printing things I realized that I am signed up to work next sunday night! So I guess I'll be trying hard to find a last minute replacement on that one. Yesterday was spectacular, warm (no coat), sunny with just a few perky clouds, and a slight breeze. There were bits of biking around in spring tops, listening to harry potter, a small handful of researching in the library, with a dose of sunbathing with a fly which could only walk. It was weird though, despite all the loveliness my day was only okay to blahish. Maybe its the two presentations I have on tuesday, or how I work both tonight and tomorrow night. Or how I just want to be doing something else right now in life, I am so done with academia, but yet in all honesty I feel completely unprepared for the "real world". Despite the improvements I have made this semester, I still lack job skills and probably interview skills too, ugh, I just want to be doing something other than this right now. But then I also know that give a year or too and I'll look back on where I am right now and be like "wow those were the days, life was simple and college was amazing". So I try to live these last few weeks with joy and to get all I can out of it, but I am just not always happy to be here and now.

crap!

I just remembered that I have 3 page reflection thing due tomorrow and I have to leave now for work, followed by record night, dangnabit.

emotionality

I don't care if that's a word or not, but that's kinda how I am doing right now. I mean everything is fine in my life, I had a perfectly fine weekend. But I just finished almost balling after watching Grey's Anatomy. It was just plain tragic and not even very hopeful and so I cried. Ugh, maybe I am PMSing, but I feel like tears have been almost bubbling up continually for the past few days. Movies and tv shows are big starters oh and beautiful hymns like Breathe on me breath of God, from this morning. I just find myself tearing up so quickly. I guess its okay, but I kinda wonder, am I crying at the movie/tv show? or am I crying because of something inside of me? Maybe I am over analysizing this, but I am not sure I totally like either option. Are these movies just pushing the buttons for me? Is that form of grief wrong in that it can desensitize you to real world pain? Or is it just dehydrating? But then I don't really think I have things inside me that need to be cried about right now either. So who knows. Maybe tears are just that, water squeezed out of eyes, not indicators of more than that. Yet isn't there something wrong with me crying about a girl who dies on a tv show, when there are lots of real life deaths so much more worthy of tears? I think the reason tv shows and movies set me off, is because they bring death home for me. I end up identifying with the characters and therefore want them to be free from pain, emotional and physical. Sure I would love the world to be free from pain too, but most of the time, those problems are bigger than I can really contemplate deeply. Alright enough about that. In other news I went on a walk/run this sunny afternoon while listening to Beck's Guero. I really like that album, but then that is really typical of me, considering it usually takes me a good 3-5 years to find out about really cool artists.

CPT hostages freed!!!!

The three remaining CPT hostages were picked up by British troops in a neighborhood in Baghdad. While they are receiving medical treatment, they don't seem to have been too badly harmed. For more news go here* or here *the Tim N quoted at the end of the article is in fact my very own grown-up brother. Interestingly enough I was so excited when I read the article that I missed this point until Steph commented on it.

he he hehe

paper is officially 20 pages long * *snickers quietly to herself......and giggles** **should not be taken as signs of insanity, only mac labishness

question

does anyone else ever get the fear that other people seem to be living way more interesting lives than one's own? also does anyone else ever feel like giving the rest of school the finger? *note to self: stop reading blogs and right the darn paper!

listening: The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill by the Beatles

You know those Beatles have some really weird songs in their repetorie. Obviously this is no news to those Beatles fanatics out there, or maybe even everybody but me. But seriously the same group that sang the bubbles of "All You Need is Love" and "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" also sang "Happiness is a Warm Gun". Interesting don't you think. Today was a pretty good day, a little on the unproductive side of things, but not too bad. I started the day off with Digital Design, always a fun time. I really do love that class and I am really enjoying working on my final project. I think it is coming together. When I am done with it, I'll try to find a way to post a picture of it here or something. After that there was chapel at 10, followed by Elkhart Truth time and my rather pathetic attempt at the crossword and then Hist o Glo Pov at 11. A rather uneventful morning altogether. Although after listening to Goshen Grad TShenk talk about how he travels to various locations around the world to write about how MCC is having an impact on people's lives, I was reminded of my dream job. This job was actually held by my aunt for a while back in the 90's, but essentially I would travel the world for Ten Thousand Villages connecting with the local artisans and helping come up with new ideas for products and crafts that then would be sold in North America for fair prices. So that would involve travel, art, people and good business sense, how perfect would that be?! Now I just need to find a way to get this job, assuming it still even exists. Then this afternoon I went home to do laundry, watched the Best of Adam Sandler SNL video, which wasn't that great. Came back to the house, got a little work done, then went to supper. After that I put in almost 3 hours in the jewelry lab working on a pair of earrings, which are now almost completely done. In fact I am currently wearing them. It is great to wear something that you made all by yourself and then get complements on them. Maybe if the mood inspires I'll post a picture of them. So that brings us up to pretty much now. Hopefully the rest of the evening will involve me working on a little homework for a little bit, then getting to bed on the early side.

a blog is born

My dear friend Jess just started her very own little blog. Go check it out at http://jessicari.blogspot.com/. I would link to it in this post, but I am borrowing Alex's apple and for some reason the link button doesn't appear above this entry. Why am I using her computer, you may ask, because my mouse just gave up on my computer. I kinda feel like my computer is the equivalent of one of those old rusty cars that is held together with duct tape, but in my case its spare parts and tech service friends. Ugh, I just want to buy a laptop. But unfortunately nights like this at GG isn't going to help. Becca (my coworker) and I cleared just over $2.50 for the whole night! It just sucked! Plus about half an hour before close we got a crazy rush of seriously like 20 people, mostly adults, who all ordered drinks and some got cinnamon rolls. Becca had already pulled one side of the espresso machine, so she was doing all these drinks with only 2 shots at a time! But she was amazing, she was finishing the drinks almost as fast as I was ringing them up. So we finally got all the orders done and it was about 10 minutes till close, then I looked in the tip box and none of them had tipped!!! Grrrrrr, I mean I understand when young people, college students, high schoolers, etc don't tip, but when adults don't it gets so annoying. Especially after we were so polite and fast considering the line. Despite all that it was still a good evening and it was great when a bunch of the girls from the house stopped by, unfortunately they came right before the rush, so I didn't get to chat. But it was nice to see them anyways. The rest of the day was pretty good, I slept in and then went to hear about half of the student academic symposium, which was really good this year. But after that I didn't do anything productive for the 2 hours I had before work. Tomorrow some serious work time needs to happen!

thursday night that kinda feels like friday night

Today was a good day in that I skipped my only class (my second skippage for this week, but only my second for this entire semester) and slept in. Then I did various errands downtown including picking up some good Rachel's bread. Then I went to the library and pecked out a few more pages for the huge paper o death. Which is now at a rambly and rough 18 pages in length. After working on that for a while, I came home for some soup and bread supper, followed by a check at the jewelry lab on some pieces I had in the tumbler. Then I worked on digital design stuff at the mac lab. I am designing my final project which has to be a book of some kind. I am combining pictures, journal entries and other stuff from China into it and so far I am really enjoying it. Whenever I do digital design work I feel a little guilty because it feels like I am procrastinating cause I enjoy it so much. Hmmm, maybe this says something about my choice in majors? In other news, David surprised me by installing another stick of memory in my dilapidated computer! Although I can't tell a huge difference, it does seem to run at least a little better. I think the real test will be when I try to have several applications running at once. So finally I have the basic requirement in memory instead of half of that. This week has been rather bluish blah. I have been rather grouchy as of late, although today was a better day than some. I feel really tired, but also like I have this pent up emotional energy. Maybe I need a punching bag or something. Although every time I think about May term, I get excited, because I will be graduated, senior history paper will be done, Jonathan (the little bro) will be returned, the weather will be nicer (I refuse to accept anything less than 65 and sunny), I will be taking an interesting class and I won't be graded! What more could a girl want? I mean other than a may term fling that is :)

listening: Like a King - Ben Harper

This is a confusing song in that when I first heard it I thought the chorus was oddly enough "rodney king, rodney king" and then after looking at the title of the song, I thought oh, "like a king, like a king" that makes so much more sense. But then I was listening again and I could swear the lyrics switch back and forth between the two. Obviously I would never make it in such professions as dictation secretary or rapper. Update: I looked up the lyrics and they are as follows Like a King, like a King, like a King. Rodney King, Rodney King, Rodney King. Like a king, like a King, like a King. How I wish you could help us Dr. King. Rap career, here I come!

new profile picture!

mourning

For those of you who haven't heard yet, Tom Fox of Christian Peacemaker Teams was found dead in Baghdad this week. He was among 4 other CPT hostages take last November in Iraq and the sole American in the group. For a beautifully written statement from CPT go here, for news reports go here or for the American view go here. News like this is hard to hear, even though I never knew Tom, I know a lot of CPTers and it is hard to face the fact that being a peacemaker won't keep you from dying. But at the same time, that is the role that CPT take on when it goes to violent situations around the world. CPT is there to be "soldiers" of peace and each delegate or team member knows the risks. I think this is also scary because of how those in my family will also probably be going on CPT delegations in the future and there is no pretending that that isn't risky. So for now if you are a praying person, then I ask that you hold Tom Fox and his family in prayer and all of CPT.

mein bruders

This morning I opened up my email to discover that the updates from the SST page were up and that the pictures from where my brother is doing his service are up. So go check out the SST update page and then my brother is the most recent update, the shaggy haired dude in washed out blue. Three cheers for instant global communication (and by instant I mean so much faster than a pony)!

listening - "We can make it better" Kayne West

Record server music, yeah still here on the record wednesday night. oh and by the way the paper is officially 13 pages of awesomeness, plus today I did another interview note takin thing but I haven't started the paper that is due on friday for his o glo pov yesterday I worked 8 hours at GG, and tomorrow I get the pay check o largeness due to the spring break party time at work I am currently using the gigantic computer monitor of the hub, it is seriously wide enough for like 3 open windows, so much space it is almost overwhelming. I think when I buy my computer I am gonna have to choose between having a nice monitor size and having a portable laptop this afternoon rocked the house, literally rocked the aurora compound, cause that's what trains do whenever they go by, but anyways jess came over and we just talked for seriously 2 hours, then we hung out with meryl, I feel like all sections of my life are just so much more emotional these days, I feel like my outside appearance is a shell that barely contains all the emotions underneath it, and then other times I just feel empty inside, like nothing really matters to me, and then other times I feel both ways at once I recently finished reading The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold, which was although tragic a lovely novel about death, heaven, grief, and family dynamics. Actually I have GG to thank for all this extra reading for fun time, cause during slow periods, I just pull out my book and get going. Kat is dancing around taking pictures and Anna is looking over the pages, so I think I will end this post.

"three cheers for 11 pages"

yeah lets hear it folks* *this remains much more spectacular when not applied to the rest of the sentence which reads "out of 30"

listening: nothing actually

just the whirl of my computer and that taping of my keys, this is mainly due to the fact that although I double clicked on iTunes around a minute ago it is just now opening. Yes my computer is that slow, but then of course I can't really blame it as it is hobbling around with only 128mg of memory, so obviously everything takes a while around here. It is sunday and slept in again today, although last week I was in Chicago, so it wasn't so much a conscious missing of Assembly. I can't say I was terribly productive with my time this week regarding the paper o death, but I did actually make some really good steps in the right direction. I also put in 28 hours at GG, which was overall fun. Although I have to say tipping on Friday and Saturday nights, just doesn't happen like it does on the weekdays. For example on Monday and Tuesday I made around $10 in tips where as on Friday and Saturday, after splitting it with D we both made around $2, kinda a major difference. But I still have to say I really love working at GG, even when I get really tired at 10pm and still have an hour and a half of work left. I think a big reason I like it is because it connects me with an outside college group of people. Fresh faces! I just really like seeing new people and even if I don't have long conversations with them, just being surrounded by something new. I think this is also part of the reason I am really looking forward to living in Chicago next year. Oh and this weekend I read The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger, which is set primarily in Chicago. First off the book was a delight to read, the descriptions and characters were so real and vivid that I just loved every sentence of it. Plus it is based on a fascinating concept of a man who spontaneously time travels, therefore bringing up interesting ideas regarding cause and effect and how much choice we actually have about our lives. One of my favorite descriptions in the book is of Henry's (one of the major characters) father. "He's sitting all bunched up in his chair, and I notice his hands, long elegant hands that lie in his lap like a cat napping." I just really liked that simile. Anyways I really recommend it.

listening: So Long Jimmy - James Blunt

I have to say I like this Blunt fellow. As most people, I only found out about him through his "beautiful" song, which I really really liked the first 5 times I heard it. However after the 10-15 times, I must say my enthusiasm for it is fading. Maybe this has to do with the limited repertoire on the adult alternative station at GG, or the fact that I actually like some of the other songs on his album better. All in all though, not to bad. So you may ask, how is spring break going? Well, the break part is doing okay, the spring part is middling, and the work part is maybe a 5 out of 10. I am putting in some extra hours at GG this week, for a total of 28, and I spent all of last weekend in Chicago, so the writing time hasn't happened as much as would be desired. However I have watched the rest of season 2 of Alias, two movies, played a game of Tichu, baked cookies, ate Indian food, made $20 dollars in tips, ate Greek, Chinese food and Chicago pizza. I have petted a cat, slept on a couch, drove from Chicago to Goshen in under 2 and a half hours, and even taken a few showers. Oh and I had this very strange dream that took place in a pub in London and involved me accidentally ordering a bottle of Baileys, and then out of embarrassment drinking the whole thing and getting rather tipsy. Which by the way is rather odd in dreams, and I have to tell you I think my sub-conscious was making it up, because I actually haven't ever gotten drunk yet. Oh and then my parents came into the dream and interrupted my great conversation with cute bartender #3, but fortunately they didn't seem to mind me buying a $60 dollar bottle of Baileys in London. umm.....maybe it is a little late?