Sunday, January 29, 2006

coffee: houses and jobs`

Well, Saturday my day revolved around coffee. I opened at GG for the first time as a part of my training. I worked with Becca, who was great. I really feel like I am beginning to get the hang of it, making drinks even, doing the register thing, etc. The whole steaming milk is getting less intimidating and other than the specialty lattes and some of the frozen drinks, I am feeling pretty confident about. It was great on Saturday morning, Jess and Becca came in to visit and do homework. I got to test out the mango smoothie on Jess and get Becca's opinion on the cinnamon rolls. I think I will like working at GG. Oh and while working 5 hours I made just over 6 dollars in tips, so yay for making 7 dollars an hour. After work, I headed home for some quick laundry and patching of the jeans. Unfortunately my embroidered pair have already ripped their patched seams after wearing them today (Sunday). Ach vel. But then Saturday evening I went to the international coffeehouse and dinner. It was a pretty good time, I think the whole show was even better than last year and of course the food was amazing. Then today I had a pretty packed day, which oddly enough made me even more productive. I went to church, followed by lunch at the Glick household. Then off to my SST chapel meeting to finalize plans for tomorrow. Which in typical China SST fashion took about 30 minutes longer than need to and made me feel like a reluctant dictator. Trying to get our group to come to some kind of consensus and keep everyone happy is like pulling teeth! But I think we got most things figured out and hopefully everything will go well tomorrow morning. After that meeting I headed over to the art building to do some jewelry stuff. I worked on a copper trial version of a ring idea I had. My first attempt isn't too bad, but not exactly what I was originally planning, so I tried a few things in wire. I think I am getting close to figuring out how I want it to work. Then at 4:45 I met up with Becca, Meryl and Zeb and headed over to the Holsopple house for some amazing boiled turkey and quality time with Zeb's parents who are pretty gosh darn cool. After that it was back home for some emailing and homework. I finished my reading just in time for Desperate Housewives at 9pm, but when it turned out to be a rerun went over to the computer lab to finish up my digital design homework. Then I went back over to Kauffman 3rd for Grey's Anatomy, which was great this week. Which brings me up to now, and hopefully the rest of the day will go like this. "Abby finishes doing random things at the computer, brushes her teeth, washes her face and goes directly to bed". But of course we'll have to wait and see...

Thursday, January 26, 2006

what the heck, indiana

has anyone else seen the sky today! blue like that hasn't existed in front of my eyes for so long screw the homework man, I'm gonna bike to the library, cause days like this don't come around every winter!

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

ooh oooh ooh

I was just trying to publish that table thing and it was creating an error that took over my blog and pushed everything around, so when the error came up it said one of the tags was not closed. So I thought about it and tryed putting a

thing at the end of the code, that didn't work, then I put
cause that was how it was writen elsewhere in the code and it frikin worked!!!!!!!!!!! And I don't even know HTML, how rockin'

personality, yes apparently I have some

Advanced Global Personality Test Results
Extraversion |||||||||||||| 56%
Stability |||||||||||||| 60%
Orderliness |||||||||||| 46%
Accommodation |||||||||||||||| 63%
Interdependence |||||||||||| 50%
Intellectual |||||||||||| 43%
Mystical |||||||||| 36%
Artistic |||||||||||| 43%
Religious |||||||||||||||| 70%
Hedonism |||||||||| 36%
Materialism |||||| 30%
Narcissism |||||||||||| 43%
Adventurousness |||||| 23%
Work ethic |||||| 23%
Self absorbed |||||||||||| 43%
Conflict seeking |||||||||||| 43%
Need to dominate |||||||||| 36%
Romantic |||||||||||| 50%
Avoidant |||||| 30%
Anti-authority |||||||||| 36%
Wealth |||| 16%
Dependency |||||||||||| 50%
Change averse |||||||||||||| 56%
Cautiousness |||||||||||||| 56%
Individuality |||||| 23%
Sexuality |||||||||||||| 56%
Peter pan complex |||||||||||| 43%
Physical security |||||||||||||||| 70%
Physical Fitness |||||| 30%
Histrionic |||||||||| 36%
Paranoia |||||||||||| 43%
Vanity |||||||||| 36%
Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||| 63%
Female cliche |||||||||||||| 56%
Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by
In summary: rarely irritated, positive, tough, non phobic, fearless, likes the unknown, self reliant, high self control, confident, trusting, strong instincts, prudent, optimistic, willful, likes parties, prefers a specialized career, takes charge, altruistic, strong, high self concept, adventurous, practical, thoughtful

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

good earth tea quotes

The first and great commandment is: Don't let them scare you. Elmer Davis (1890-1958)

Monday, January 23, 2006

conflict & me

Experience with Conflict If I were to write down a complete history of my experiences with conflict my first entry would probably be a fairly large file entitled “My older brother Tim”. Starting probably from the moment I was born and entered into our family, my brother and I fought rather viciously as children. In retrospect, there was definitely the impact of losing his parent's attention and his own staring role in the family for Tim. As for myself I saw the whole thing as my attempts to defend myself from Tim's aggressions. Although as I grew older I also began to realize my own contributions to our fights and how my willingness to jump at his bait contributed to our conflict. Also when Jonathan came along, I welcomed him with open arms, so for much of my childhood I alternated between hating Tim and just wanting him to act like a loving older brother. Much of our fighting erupted verbally, although we did tussle physically when we were younger it quickly became more of verbal duals, that in retrospect probably left bigger scars on each of us. It probably grew to its worst when I was in late elementary school and junior high. Our family dinners in the evening would sometimes end with me yelling my hatred for my brother and fleeing to my room to cry. Although concerned my parents eventually got to the point where none of their methods seemed to work. But it is probably important to state that these conflicts were not always one-sided on Tim's part. I learned quickly that as the youngest all I needed to do was start yelling that Tim was hurting me and my parents would respond with punishing him. Just as I felt that Tim would try to exclude me when he and Jonathan played together, I would try to exclude him whenever me and Jonathan played. Just as Tim learned all my buttons, I knew his and so as I was approaching high school it was a fairly even battlefield. Now somewhere in those years between 8th grade and sophomore year, Tim and I began to get along. Something about being forced to spend 40 minutes together in a car every day on the way to high school, or my discovery that Tim had cool friends who he didn't treat like me, or maybe figuring out how cool my older brother actually was helped me begin to like my brother. I am not sure what helped Tim begin to accept me more, but by the end of his senior year (he was three grades ahead of me), we were on the way to becoming friends. As for now, Tim and I are much closer although our relationship is very different than my relationship with my younger brother, Tim and I enjoy being around each other and supporting each other in life. Now our current closeness may also be helped by the fact that with him having spent the past 2 years in London I have only seen him 3 or 4 times in the past 2 years (absence makes the heart grow fonder). But with the Internet and those visits our relationship seems much closer and family dynamics as a whole much more healthy. Now as for how my sibling rivalry with Tim effected my current approach to conflict, I haven't entirely figured that out. I know that my tongue and wit were sharpened in those verbal duels I used to have with Tim, so even today they tend to be my weapons of choice. However, I very rarely bicker with anyone like I did with Tim; in fact I can't remember the last time I have had a shouting match with anyone. Most of my conflicts today are longer more drawn out misunderstandings and occur between myself and my close friends. Dealing with them often means long drawn out conversations instead of shouting matches. Assumptions about Conflict Conflict is something I see as blockage in relationships. It prevents greater understanding and is caused by misunderstanding, but when cleared away open up new paths and areas that were previously not accessible. My current approach to conflict has become much more direct over the years. My gut instinct towards conflict tends to be somewhat passive aggressive. I don't like to admit my vulnerabilities either, which can lead to a need to hide how upset I am by someone's comments or actions. Therefore my conflicts tend to simmer for a long time before they break to the surface. But once they reach the point that I see them as accessible, I want to get them solved immediately. Which leads to a rather interesting combination of trying to suppress the conflict until it reaches the point where I can no longer tolerate it, then I want immediate and complete resolution. This also connects to how I deal with my own pains and other things that upset me, although this is something that I am learning to change. I often show no or very little outward signs of being upset, but desperately want and expect my friends to notice something is wrong. Other's Perceptions of My Conflict Style The following is a paragraph that my roommate/housemate for almost 4 years had to say in response to my email asking her about my conflict style. “I would say that you generally tend to run away from conflict, but lately you have been better at addressing things, and have said as much. Usually when we've had issues as roommates, you kind of timidly bring it up, and you almost always have a solution to go along with the issue you have, or at least you bring it up intending to open dialogue about it, and that's cool. When you think you're in the wrong or feel the need to apologize for something, you're pretty good at confronting that and explaining yourself and such, and don't seem to need much prompting on my part. Um, sometimes when you're mad at people you want them to automatically know, but you don't actually want to tell them, and so you pretend everything is peachy when it's not and so people have no idea and then go on like normal and then you get upset and wonder why they're not addressing the problem. That's your natural tendency, but like I said before, you know that and are getting better at being less passive aggressive. Most of this is one-on-one. In group settings, you tend to be the one that people come to when they have problems, and you get really frustrated with being the middle-woman, and you don't really know how to address that problem, so it kind of sits there and becomes a stressor for you. It's got to come out some way, and I'm not sure but I think it comes out by you wanting to take control in certain situations, perhaps as a way of taking some sort of control. I'm actually not sure if that's actually how it does manifest itself, but I know it has to come out some way. Eventually you are able to sit down with someone and hash out what's going on, or spend some time reflecting on why you're very stressed if you don't know what it is. If things are really bad you cry but I don't think you like to let yourself do that if you don't have to. When you are feeling tension in a group, you tend to "weed out" who's causing it and go to them and tell them to stop. Sometimes it may be for the good of the group as a whole, but I think when you don't have to, you do it for your own sanity.” As a whole my roommates insights were right on to how I would describe myself. It should be noted that I wrote my own analysis of myself before emailing her and as one can see, she touched upon many of the same issues I did. I greatly appreciate the fact that I have friends that know me this well, and it has been a great help to my “sanity” through the years. I think I am coming out of a period in which my interactions with conflict were dominated by passive-aggressive tendencies. Two big situations that brought that to a head for me, was living in Peace House for a semester, and a long painful relationship with a close male friend. Both situations forced me out of my comfort zone in dealing conflict and began to lay the foundations of my current attitude towards conflict. Especially my relationship with my close male friend drove home the lesson of how damaging repressed and ignored conflicts can become. Because of our difficulty in dealing with our situation and conflict, my friend and I almost lost our friendship. While it still bares the scars of our inability to communicate, we were able to survive. Conclusions I don't think conflict will ever be something I “gain energy” from or even really love, however it is more and more becoming something I am willing to deal with. If I had to choose one way in which to describe how I have changed since coming to college, I would have to say my increased ability/willingness to be direct. I am learning that I have a great circle of loving friends and family around me, but in order to connect to that support I have to express my pain even when it means being vulnerable. I am learning that in order to have people stop repeating actions and behaviors that bother or upset me I need to ask them to stop. I am learning that I am neither as perfect or flawed as I sometimes suppose myself to be.

weekend update

I had a pretty good weekend, a decent mix of the productive with the non-productive. However in all honesty there was probably more of the latter than the former. In fact much of this weekend is already blurring together in my head, lets see. Saturday I did work in the afternoon, then went to a China SST reunion dinner over in Kulp. It was good times, and although the food was not exactly completely authentic, the company was a fun. Then I went to Elizabeth's senior recital on the cello, which was amazing! My favorite pieces were "Song Without Words in D Major" by Felix Mendelssohn, "Adagio from Bride Stream" by Dmitri Shastokovich, and "Piano Trio in E minor, Op.90 (Dumky)" by Antonin Dvorak. She played very beautifully and it was a great evening, plus she had this great brown dress that I thought was really great. I don't usually go for browns, but this was a rich chocolate color that looked really good on her. Then on Sunday I slept through church to get a jump start on the homework, that succeeded in part. Then for supper I went home to mooch some homemade lasagna and taught Mom and Dad doudijou (or fight the landlord) a 3 person card game I learned in China. Then we all went over to the "Fierce Love" celebration of the feminine divine service at College Church. It was good, although it raised some issues for how I perceive and interact with God. The God I talk to and interact with tends to be more masculine, however when I feel the most comfortable with my prayer I feel like I address God like I would a close female friend. After the service I went over to the apartments and had back massages and conversation with Steph, Becca, Miriam and Katie. It was quite nice, then I hurried over to Kauffmann for my weekly dose of Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy. Its fun because it has become a way for me to connect with Miriam, Anna, and a bunch of cool girls who I don't see a lot otherwise. Although I still completely love Grey's Anatomy, I would have to say watching Desperate Housewives is more of a social habit, than real priority. So yeah that brings us to today, which was also my first day of work at GG. It was orientation, so me and the other trainee, were taken over to an extra room at the neighboring gym (that is owned by the same people as own GG) to watch an hour long video on the production, history, culture, and kinds of espresso. Some of it was actually really helpful, such as a how to make espresso and steamed milk section and a definition of all the different espresso variation drinks (important note, espresso is actually pronounced eSpresso, not eXpresso as so many tend to do). Overall I think I will enjoy working there, but jeepers there is a lot to remember about how to make a good espresso!

Friday, January 20, 2006

who has a job?

oh yes the correct answer to that question is Abby!!!!! Yeah, I start orientation on Monday at 4pm at the GG, yeah you can probably figure that one out, but hopefully google can't :) Only getting $6 an hour, but I get tips too and at 15-20 hours a week, I should make a decent amount. oh and go check out for some gorgeous pictures of my cousin laura's wedding and her new husband. It was such a beautiful wedding and the photos are just great!

Thursday, January 19, 2006

morning after

Record last night, it went well for the most part, except at 11pm it started feeling like 2am, and then 11 to 1am went by in about 15 minutes. Time is a pretty crazy concept, very relative. I think the issue went well, despite the fact that printer went on the blitz and we had the darndest time finding one of the perspective pictures. Interestingly enough the front page was the first page completed, I don't think I ever remember that happening before. Yesterday I had a job interview at the coffee shop (the one off of Lincoln), which I would name but after reading one of the perspectives in today's Record I think I should probably refrain from. Anyways it seemed to go pretty well, but I am such a newbie at this that it is hard to tell. But I should know for sure whether I have a job by today or tomorrow. I think it would be fun to be a Barrista, kinda a cool name don't you think. Hmmm, maybe I will come up with all these cool nicknames for people and institutions so that I can talk about everyone without risking the odd google here and there.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

cheung chau

Sitting here in the Union lab, fluorescent lighting and homework due, I had a sudden and inexplicably strong pang for the island. For that sun, wearing skirts and flip-flops, for Bob Marley, blue skies, for joe, meryl, brian, andy, zeb, steph, nathan, and katrina, for the used bookstore, the sea-kayaks, the moon on the waves, and sand beneath my toes. why didn't I love it even more than I did?

Sunday, January 15, 2006

listening: They by Jem

Well the weekend has once more slipped through my fingers, if I keep this up the semester will disappear faster than my head or heart really want to grasp. Of course I tended to the non-productive this weekend, I think I don't like it when my house feels empty. Maybe I missed the Roth sisters, or maybe I just need to get out more. But I did manage to get Leah, Char and Mel interested (ie. hooked) to Alias by watching the first part of Season 1 on DVD, So the best way to watch tv, no stinkin' stupid materialism spewing commercials! Double potluck today with one at Assembly and one at the Will apartment. Church was really good this morning, I think I felt more like I was actually worshiping than I usually do. I mean its not like I am sitting at church trying not to think about God and talk to her, but just most of the time I end up thinking about other things. Today though was good, songs have such power to shape my spirituality. While we didn't sing this one this morning, this line of Joyful is the Dark, remains one of my favorites: Joyful is the dark, spirit of the deep, winging wildly o'er the world's creation, silken sheen of midnight, plumage black and bright, swooping with the beauty of a raven. But what I found myself thinking about this morning and yesterday is my continuing quest to find contentment in where I am at and see more of the beauty around me. Cliche, I know, but I really do tend to miss out on many of the moments of my life. I know there is only so far the guilt of being wealthy, healthy and whole in a world of poverty, insanity and pain can take you, but sometimes just looking at one's life from a bigger perspective really does help. However, guilt is definitely not enough to make one happy, one needs to find it in other means. In talking to my friend Mel about a high school friend who had just started dating for the first time in her life, I asked Mel how my friend had dealt with not dating for so long and she said, her friend never really looked or worried too much, because she knew that one day it would just happen. Now my cynical side doesn't really want to get too much out of that, but there is something there. I think I need to get back to finding a way to trust God that love will either come into my life, or the desire for it will be lifted. My life will not be a story of wanting what I am not meant to obtain. Let Evening Come Let the light of late afternoon shine through chinks in the barn, moving up the bales as the sun moves down. Let the cricket take up chafing as a woman takes up her needles and her yarn. Let evening come. Let dew collect on the hoe abandoned in long grass. Let the stars appear and the moon disclose her silver horn. Let the fox go back to its sandy den. Let the wind die down. Let the shed go black inside. Let evening come. To the bottle in the ditch, to the scoop in the oats, to air in the lung let evening come. Let it come, as it will, and don't be afraid. God does not leave us comfortless, so let evening come. -- Jane Kenyon

Friday, January 13, 2006

friday afternoon (doing homework)

I know, I am a little shocked too, but hey this is a style test thing. Way cool. I have always loved these personality test things, but maybe that's because I have been hoping that I would discover one in which I had a clear result. Often with these types of tests, I'll be a tie between 2, but hey not with this one. I took the Gilmore & Fraleigh "Friendly Style Profile" for Transforming Conflict and Violence and here are my results: Calm/Storm 27/25 Accommodating/Harmonizing 20/21 Analyzing/Preserving 29/22 Achieving/Directing 24/32 Affiliating/Perfecting As I would have predicted, Accommodating/Harmonizing remained strong in both situations and Analyzing/Preserving rather low. But what I found interesting was the marked drop off in Achieving/Directing and huge leap in Affiliating/Perfecting during storm conditions. I think I have found that to be true over the years. As I have grown into more leadership roles, I am learning that while I am willing to take charge, I really hate leadership roles when I am worn-out, in stressful situations, tired, or in other challenging situations. At that point I tend to want to follow and be the support system, instead of being the take-charge person. Which in retrospect makes Shanghai make so much sense now. So hey, does anybody else know their scores for this thing?

Sunday, January 08, 2006

trifles and triiiifles

today was good, almost completely non-productive, but good slept till noonish ate brunch at the rot, always appealing, but usually unsatisfying went home to get car did errands, dropping off application at Lane Bryant (keep the fingers crossed for me), shopped at Kroger, ran into Andy and the library hung out at the house, downloaded music, organized blooming music collection (still recovering from the 12 gb loss I experienced last week) went to thai food with the roth sisters, had good time, good food (although my particular dish was less than superb) ran into Sarah and Zeb, good couple I think came back to apartments for amazing dessert thing with the girls plus Luc, Thushan, and Pete returned to Aurora house to watch Garden State, got to see the Libby who is leaving next week for Seatle watched the movie, enjoyed it overall, pretty original, although it faded toward the end when it got more talky and less showing hung out with Emily, Tasha Diener, the Roths, Joe and Beuford, good times got back rub from Meryl pretty much a good day, if not even great

Saturday, January 07, 2006

jet'aime mon petit chou*

*I love you my little cabbage End of week one, interesting how quickly time melds together. I realized today that I have been feeling down, at least overall for quite some time. I had one of those hallway conversations with Meryl that just ended up being really good, not easy but useful. I realized that I just might be feeling lonely right now, which is weird because I am surrounded by lots of loving friends and family. But somehow despite all that I just haven't been really happy in a little while. I mean I was happy in China and in London too, but I think more because I was determined to be happy and to experience life through those lens. But at least since Shanghai, I just haven't been the same. This sprung out of Meryl and my conversation about how I have been feeling like things have been rougher between us since about them. I must admit I kind of thought it a Meryl thing, but in talking with her, I realized that like many of these kind of issues is probably a me issue. Its just been weird feeling like Meryl and I haven't connected as well recently. I don't know the reasons or anything, but I kind of feel like I've been that way with a lot of my friends. Like I can't quite understand them and they can't quite understand me. Plus of course I haven't had much energy in a long time. Gosh I guess my posts have been more negative as of late, but well I guess that happens. However I should also say, that I have been working more on realizing how blessed I am. And I really do feel that I am probably doing better now in so many areas of my life than I probably ever have before. But you know contentment can be a hard thing to pin down.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

life in the new year

This morning I got up for the first day of classes I have had on GC soil in over a year (if you don't count last may term) and of course the DR SST send off. Jonathan was among the counted (as well as Aurora housemate Lena Slusher), which marks the 3rd Nafziger SST send-off. Although Jonathan did deviate from the present pattern by going to a non-communist, non letter C country. Although he did choose the Dominican Republic which is Democratic, so at least there is that consistency. I had digital design and history of global poverty today, both of which I think will be good classes, I am realizing that my load this semester is really not to bad, I will be done with classes by 2 every day and most of the days by 12 or so. But of course this will be in combination with completing the oh so dreads history senior seminar ginormous paper. Being back on campus has been really good so far, but with its definite weird moments. Such as walking into the Rot for the first time in a long time and realizing that I didn't recognize half the people and being subjected to the starting your own table embarrassment. One would think that as a Senior, the rot would be less scary that as a freshmen, but I have found that it actually the other way around. But it was really great when I was "rescued" from my empty table by a bunch of Jonathan's friends. Which in all honesty through the years have become my own in a way. I mean the boy does have good taste in friends :) I also really like my new housemates and the comforts of having one's own house, although I think I have the whole thing to myself right now. Silly afternoon classes. And of course I also have a new roommate, Alex, the younger sister of my roommate of countless years, Meryl. So far things have been really good, she is really accommodating and we have made a pretty good transition together. I hung up my Tibetan prayer flags and because they came in this role, they are all rolled tightly up against the string, but gravity is slowly getting them to unroll themselves. So we have our own kind of blooming going on. As for the whole adjusting thing, life here in the states is going well, but jeepers, I have been going boy crazy recently. Gosh darn men, can't live with em, can't live without them. Of course this is also the time when everyone begins to get engaged, get in those final college hook-ups etc. Maybe its because I was around the same boys for so long, but the GC campus does seem full of men, but I am also really really tired of the, kinda crushes, the possible interests, the ritual of seeking a relationship. I also hate flirting and although I have been informed by the girl friends that I do indeed do it, it is a very different kind that what seems to be employed by most women. Why can't my desire for a relationship just be fufilled simply easily and without lots of complications and intrigue?